Well i wanted to write in a journal, but online of course seems easier. I have no friends on here, because im computer stupid sometimes, so there is no reason for me to make this private. im doing good i have 40 days sober. its hard because sometimes its the easiest thing in the world and other times its the hardest.

i am so broke i have to rely on my mom and melissa 100% for anything and everything, so the other day i pawned some ounces of silver that i wanted to save for the rest of my life, but i really felt that i had no choice. my first instinct was to buy drugs or alcohol or something with it, but i chose not to. it sure was not easy either.  its not easy to have christmas right around the corner, and the two most important people that i would like to buy for (among many others), i would have to get money FROM them to buy FOR them. so what is the point in that. i hate it and its ridiculous and i hate the turmoil i have caused myself. of course its my fault and i am just trying to vent here, but it can be incredibly hard.

no wonder 75% relapse.